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| Christmas products out in September?! |
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Thursday, September 27, 2012
'Healthy' Is Not A Consolation Prize
We're having another baby. #4 will be our last and, as it turns out, #4 will also be our 4th boy.
"Oh well, as long as it's healthy I suppose."
"Never mind, as long as it's healthy."
"Don't worry, at least it's healthy."
"It's okay, you'll just have to try again. I know someone who had four boys and then a girl."
No. Not "Oh well," or "Never mind" or "Don't worry". I don't need consoling. Why assume that I would? Why the look of pity? I have 3 beautiful, amazing boys already... are they supposed to be so horrible that I'd be desperate to have a girl? What's wrong with simply saying "Congratulations!"?
We were trying for a baby, not a girl. If we were so shallow as to only be in it for the experience of having a girl then we would have been better off heading down to the pet store and buying a female puppy. 8-|
"Oh well, as long as it's healthy I suppose."
"Never mind, as long as it's healthy."
"Don't worry, at least it's healthy."
"It's okay, you'll just have to try again. I know someone who had four boys and then a girl."
No. Not "Oh well," or "Never mind" or "Don't worry". I don't need consoling. Why assume that I would? Why the look of pity? I have 3 beautiful, amazing boys already... are they supposed to be so horrible that I'd be desperate to have a girl? What's wrong with simply saying "Congratulations!"?
We were trying for a baby, not a girl. If we were so shallow as to only be in it for the experience of having a girl then we would have been better off heading down to the pet store and buying a female puppy. 8-|
Sunday, September 23, 2012
We had a lovely older woman pop by this afternoon doing research for Roy Morgan. The kids were thrilled to have someone different to chat to. I was so proud of Shmoo in particular, he introduced himself and even included a "pleased to meet you". Who says homeschooled children don't know how to socialise ;)
The woman asked Shmoo how old he was and then asked which school he went to. Shmoo looked puzzled for a second and then replied "I don't go to a school". He then looked around the kitchen where we were sitting and gestured all around "This is my school".
The kids then proceeded to be super charming and endearing. Gotta love it when they do that LOL. Unlike yesterday where I ended up sitting on the floor in the fruit and veg section of the supermarket, holding and trying to calm a kicking, hitting, pinching, tantruming Loo Bear. :-<
The woman asked Shmoo how old he was and then asked which school he went to. Shmoo looked puzzled for a second and then replied "I don't go to a school". He then looked around the kitchen where we were sitting and gestured all around "This is my school".
The kids then proceeded to be super charming and endearing. Gotta love it when they do that LOL. Unlike yesterday where I ended up sitting on the floor in the fruit and veg section of the supermarket, holding and trying to calm a kicking, hitting, pinching, tantruming Loo Bear. :-<
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Sunday, September 9, 2012
White Balloon Day
White Balloon Day was on Friday. I meant to post about it last week before the actual event but between the amniocentesis, coming down with a nasty cold/sinus thing, not being able to get Blogger to work for a few days and some wild weather that seemed to play havoc with our internet connection, I didn't get around to typing up a post.
Having missed the actual day, I then thought that I wouldn't bother posting. Leave it 'til next year maybe. Except that today I finally got some time to sit down and read the newspaper and came across the horrifying story about the Victorian teen who endured her stepfather's violent sexual abuse for years. It only ended when she managed to get her stepfather's shotgun and shoot him. And the terrible thing about it (aside from the poor girl initially being charged with murder!) is that the girl's mother, friends, family and teachers had suspicions of abuse occurring but nothing was ever actually reported to the appropriate authorities.
Sadly, stories like this aren't unusual. Stories like this and this are reported in the media all the time and the stories that make it into the news only represent a tiny, tiny proportion of what's actually happening out there in the real world. The perpetrators of child sexual abuse who are caught are so often given a measly 'slap on the wrist' punishment. It's a sickening fact that most perpetrators aren't caught, they get away with it because of the overwhelming, lifelong sense of shame, fear and doubt that they instill in their victims.
So yeah, White Balloon Day has come and gone again and I missed it. But it's just a day. Unfortunately, for so many people out there it's not just a day, it's something that they will carry with them every day for the rest of their lives. The psychological and emotional scars go deep and have the ability to infect every facet of someone's life. If they are lucky they will find the love and support they need to help them overcome, to become survivors rather than victims.
Yes, this is an issue that I am passionate about; yes, it's an issue close to my heart. The neglect I experienced as a very young child left me vulnerable to being raped. From a young age I struggled on and off with depression, self-harm, bulimia, self-esteem issues, derealisation and depersonalisation among other things. In my teens I would deliberately and stupidly put myself in dangerous situations in an attempt to prove to myself that I was no longer that vulnerable, weak child.
I know all too well what it's like and I don't want my children to ever have to deal with those issues. I'm in my thirties now and it's only been in the last year or two that I've been able to properly deal with the multiple forms of abuse I experienced as a child. One of the most healing things for me was finding someone (a psychologist in my case) to whom I could tell my story to in its entirety; to have her believe me without question; to look up at her face after speaking and see compassion rather than disbelief, tears in her eyes rather than a look of disgust. After having so many people in my early childhood make me doubt not just myself but others too, it made a huge difference.
Talk to your children, protect your children, communicate with them, believe them. Give them the tools they will need should they ever find themselves in situations like these. It is possible to give them courage, safety and strength without making them fearful. And don't forget that most of the time it's not the stranger danger, most perpetrators are already known to the family/child. You might think that it's just not the kind of thing that happens in your circles; that it only happens 'out there'. Not true. Never underestimate a perpetrator's ability to look completely normal and utterly harmless. In the real world the monsters look the same as everyone else.
Having missed the actual day, I then thought that I wouldn't bother posting. Leave it 'til next year maybe. Except that today I finally got some time to sit down and read the newspaper and came across the horrifying story about the Victorian teen who endured her stepfather's violent sexual abuse for years. It only ended when she managed to get her stepfather's shotgun and shoot him. And the terrible thing about it (aside from the poor girl initially being charged with murder!) is that the girl's mother, friends, family and teachers had suspicions of abuse occurring but nothing was ever actually reported to the appropriate authorities.
Sadly, stories like this aren't unusual. Stories like this and this are reported in the media all the time and the stories that make it into the news only represent a tiny, tiny proportion of what's actually happening out there in the real world. The perpetrators of child sexual abuse who are caught are so often given a measly 'slap on the wrist' punishment. It's a sickening fact that most perpetrators aren't caught, they get away with it because of the overwhelming, lifelong sense of shame, fear and doubt that they instill in their victims.
So yeah, White Balloon Day has come and gone again and I missed it. But it's just a day. Unfortunately, for so many people out there it's not just a day, it's something that they will carry with them every day for the rest of their lives. The psychological and emotional scars go deep and have the ability to infect every facet of someone's life. If they are lucky they will find the love and support they need to help them overcome, to become survivors rather than victims.
Yes, this is an issue that I am passionate about; yes, it's an issue close to my heart. The neglect I experienced as a very young child left me vulnerable to being raped. From a young age I struggled on and off with depression, self-harm, bulimia, self-esteem issues, derealisation and depersonalisation among other things. In my teens I would deliberately and stupidly put myself in dangerous situations in an attempt to prove to myself that I was no longer that vulnerable, weak child.
I know all too well what it's like and I don't want my children to ever have to deal with those issues. I'm in my thirties now and it's only been in the last year or two that I've been able to properly deal with the multiple forms of abuse I experienced as a child. One of the most healing things for me was finding someone (a psychologist in my case) to whom I could tell my story to in its entirety; to have her believe me without question; to look up at her face after speaking and see compassion rather than disbelief, tears in her eyes rather than a look of disgust. After having so many people in my early childhood make me doubt not just myself but others too, it made a huge difference.
Talk to your children, protect your children, communicate with them, believe them. Give them the tools they will need should they ever find themselves in situations like these. It is possible to give them courage, safety and strength without making them fearful. And don't forget that most of the time it's not the stranger danger, most perpetrators are already known to the family/child. You might think that it's just not the kind of thing that happens in your circles; that it only happens 'out there'. Not true. Never underestimate a perpetrator's ability to look completely normal and utterly harmless. In the real world the monsters look the same as everyone else.
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