Picking Your Battles

Bit of a Toy Story marathon on telly this weekend and next. I knew there was a reason why I hadn't let the kids watch Toy Story before. I hadn't seen it all the way through before but had seen bits and pieces many years ago and vaguely got the feeling that it wasn't something I was keen on letting the boys watch just yet. Unfortunately I was outvoted. Can't always be on the same page when it comes to parenting I suppose (and sometimes not even the same book ;) ).

*Cringe* at all the "stupid"s, "idiot"s, "shut up"s etc. Nothing too bad, I guess, but it really stood out for me. My boys really don't need any added encouragement to use words like that. :-<

Sensory Overload

Shmoo is more of a sensory avoider. Loo tends to be a sensory seeker. It occasionally leads to some rather interesting situations.

Like the other day... They had a bit of a disagreement about something and were both upset. I was putting clothes away in the bedroom and The OH was downstairs so neither of us were immediately available. Loo often needs lots of deep sensory input and always wants big, squishy, squashy cuddles when he's upset. For a sensory avoider like Shmoo this isn't his preferred method of comfort. When I came out of the bedroom, there were the two boys, both in tears, with Loo chasing Shmoo around, trying to get a cuddle. Oh dear.

And yesterday we were getting ready to go out. I was having breakfast while Shmoo got dressed and I could hear Beanie running around making some nonsensical babbling toddler noise. Then came the sounds of Shmoo becoming increasingly distressed. We know those noises pretty well so we asked what was wrong and The OH went to investigate. Shmoo yelled out that Beanie was annoying him and he couldn't get dressed. We assumed that Beanie was getting in the way or running off with Shmoo's things but no, it was just the noise that Bean was making apparently.

Now, I'd better go open this parcel that was just delivered. I suspect it is the sensory stuff that I ordered recently... including the extra pairs of noise-reducing ear muffs.

Book - 'Mama's Milk' by Michael Elsohn Ross (Spanish Edition)

Breastfeeding has always been the norm in our household so it's great to find picture books that normalise breastfeeding as well. I was thrilled to recently come across the Spanish edition of Mama's Milk by Michael Elsohn Ross. I thought it looked like the kind of book that would fit in perfectly here. :)

The beautiful illustrations depict all kinds of mammals - from humans to elephants, whales and more - feeding their infants the way nature intended. Each page of this particular edition has both the English text plus the Spanish translation underneath. A brief nursing-related fact for each species is included at the end of the book (also in both English and Spanish).

I'm glad I decided to get Mama's Milk. Not only does it normalise breastfeeding but it's also a great way to spark the kids' interest in mammals and biology as well as foreign languages.

[If it seems like we've had a sudden influx of books arriving lately it's because me + FTB lump sum payment + Fishpond = crazy book buying ;) ]

How to Confuse the Mainstreamers

The short version... Have 3 boys. Don't impose the usual gender stereotypes.

The long version...

Boy1 - A sensitive, quiet, high-functioning ASD child who enjoys karate classes but intensely dislikes having his hair cut and therefore currently has hair that hangs down past his shoulders.

Boy2 - A very loud, active, boisterous, short-haired child who loves dinosaurs and fighting. Often seen wearing his favourite colour... pink.

Boy3 - Never been interested in having his hair cut so his fine, dark hair hangs halfway down his back ending in little curls. Often gets people commenting on "her his pretty features".

All 3 boys adore nail polish and constantly nag me to do their nails. They own more nail polish than I do (although that's not at all hard as I'm totally not into the whole nail polish, make-up, frilly flowery girly pink thing).

Keeping Boy1's hair under control has been a battle for a while. It's now long enough to tie back but there are shorter bits around the front that still get in his eyes (particularly annoying for him at swimming and karate). His hair is also quite thick and tends to get horribly knotty. It can take me the better part of an hour and lots of leave-in conditioner to very slowly and gently work those huge knots out (our sensitive ASD child does not tolerate any kind of pain well!).

This afternoon I finally implemented our latest plan to keep his hair in check: putting his hair into lots of small plaits (he has been very enthusiastic about this idea). I figure that hopefully we can keep them in for the whole week, take them out to wash his hair after his swimming class, and then redo the plaits the day after.

I had to smile at dinner as I watched the kids... Boy1 in a dark blue shirt with his new hair-do, sitting next to short-haired Boy2 who was wearing a hot pink skivvy. People often get horribly embarrassed when they realise they've mistaken one of our boys for a girl. We generally don't correct them when they say 'she' instead of 'he' although the kids will speak up for themselves if they notice. It doesn't bother or offend us (can be amusing though when even our GP of 9 years refers to Boy3 as 'she').

My boys are who they are and they will be whoever they are meant to be. We hope that they know we will always be there to support them as they grow and explore. They are wonderful and gorgeous and we love them absolutely and unconditionally. Looking forward to Boy4 (although I still reckon I need a t-shirt that says something like 'Yes, it's another boy. No, we weren't hoping for a girl', just to avoid some of the looks of horror and silly comments when people realise we have 4 boys!). Not sure why people seem to think I need to have a girl in order to do the nails, hair, dolls and pink clothing thing or to feel fulfilled as a woman/mother. :))

Pizza Making - ECIS

    

Beanie turned down having sauce on his pizza (too sticky/messy) but with a little encouragement he was okay with sprinkling on the rest of the toppings and particularly enjoyed chopping up bits of cheese/mushroom/ham. Once the pizzas were cooked he proceeded to carefully scrape the toppings off and happily ate the base :))

Midnight Visitors

An hour or so after we went to bed last night, I'd just started drifting off when Beanie awoke. Twenty minutes later, after a cuddle and booby, Bean was snuggled in next to me and we were drifting off again.

All of a sudden a car's headlights were lighting up our bedroom, the sound of car doors closing and then torches were being shone around as footsteps clomped across our front verandah and someone knocked sharply on the door. Not what I was expecting at 1.30 am, particularly living in a very small, very quiet rural town! I gave The OH a shove and he went to investigate, stumbling over buckets of toys trying to get to our little used front door.

I was trying to reassure Beanie that everything was okay and at the same time listen to what was going on. I was alarmed to hear a male voice loudly say "It's alright, it's the police. We'll go around the back."

OMG. The police making house calls is never a good thing, especially in the middle of the night. It took about 5 seconds for my brain to run through a number of scenarios. The only people we're listed as next-of-kin or emergency contacts for are the people in our house, safe. The next likely thing was probably some localised emergency.

I grabbed Beanie and went round to the back door to see what was going on. The police had already left. The OH said they had given him an unfamiliar girl's name and asked if we knew where her parents lived.

The adrenalin rush ensured that we didn't get back to sleep for ages. I just hope that, whoever she is, the girl is safe and well. And my heart goes out to her parents... that kind of midnight police visit is something we all fear I think!

Books - The Red Beast and Autistic Planet

We had 2 books arrive in the mail today... The Red Beast: Controlling Anger in Children With Asperger's Syndrome by KI Al-ghani and Autistic Planet by Jennifer Elder.

We've borrowed The Red Beast out from the library on a couple of occasions before and it's been helpful for both Shmoo and Loo (and me... must get around to organising a safe area/sensory zone for meltdown recoveries!).

Autistic Planet is lovely as well. Beautiful illustrations. It doesn't so much explain what autism is but it's great for starting up discussions with the kids about the little quirks that those with an ASD often have.

Both books are 'school' based, particularly The Red Beast, but the it's easy enough to extrapolate to any social situation.

Pregnancy, Miscarriage and Moving On

Excuse the hastily self-taken, crappy quality photo...

I've been feeling very guilty that I've not done any belly pics so far this pregnancy. The reason... well, there's still some part of me that has finds it difficult to accept that (a) this pregnancy is still happening; and (b) that this is very likely my last pregnancy. I have that 'I'm done' feeling. I'm okay with it, I cannot keep enduring the physical and emotional effects of recurrent miscarriage, the uncertainty that is the balanced translocation genetic lottery, the possibility of stillbirth or neonatal death. And I've become aware of my limits when it comes to having the strength and patience to be both a partner to someone with an ASD and a decent mother to ASD kids. But still, facing the end of this phase of my life is difficult and confronting. TTC/pregnancy/babies has been the main focus of my life for just under 10 years now. At 31 years old, that's a huge portion of my life.

I cried yesterday reading the paper. Coming up to Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, there was a 2-page story about the grief that parents experiencing miscarriage go through; how difficult it is when there is so little acknowledgement of the babies that are lost. Apparently there is a local woodworking guild that makes little coffins that they donate to the NWPH and Mersey so that parents have something they can take their miscarried babies home in for burial. There was mention of parents in the last couple of years having to take their little lost babes home in things like biscuit tins; and of midwives and nurses going out to buy boxes from Chickenfeed. Stories of parents being told that they could take the baby home to bury or they could leave it at the hospital to be disposed of with the rubbish.

So sad. And yet, I read it and felt a huge wave of relief that parents are now given the choice. Back in 2004 I wasn't given that choice. I asked to keep the 'products of conception' to take home for burial. It was something I needed to do; something I didn't get to do with our first loss but I knew it would help me to process the 2nd miscarriage and my grief. I was patronised and lied to. I put in a complaint but it was too late, despite my explicit request our baby had been classified as medical waste and had been disposed of along with used bandages and the like. I kicked up a fuss, I wrote letters, I approached MPs. I eventually received an apology and assurances of changes in hospital policies. The memory of it is still traumatic, I still feel bitter about it, and it's difficult for me to walk through certain parts of the hospital. I still refuse to have a straightforward miscarriage (or birth for that matter ;) ) in a hospital but it was good to read that other parents are now given the choice that I wasn't.

And so here we are, with #4 hopefully arriving safe and healthy in another 4 months or so. I am so grateful, so blessed. I know how lucky I am. I feel bad though because I know there are women with fertility problems, who aren't aware of my history, who look with envy at me and my baby belly and 3 young kids. I know, all to well, the irrational stab of pain and sadness that it causes.

Maybe this part of my life is coming to an end but I will always carry it with me, close to my heart, both the joy and the sorrow. And I look forward to watching my four beautiful boys grow and blossom over the coming years. :)

Burnie Show - Animal Nursery (ECIS)

The children (and their families) who attend the Early Childhood Intervention Centre and the Autism Specific Early Learning and Care Centre were kindly offered the opportunity to visit the animal nursery of the local show, the day before the official opening.

The boys had such a great time (apart from Beanie clinging to me for the first 5 minutes and some skittishness from all 3 occasionally around the animals). I think The OH found it more overwhelming than the kids LOL ;)

It was funny though... they had a small, central, enclosed area that the kids could enter to pat some calves and lambs. The boys spent quite a while in there and then asked to come out. The woman at the gate opened it up but laughed and (very obviously jokingly) told them that they had to stay and were going to be kept in there now. Shmoo stopped dead in his tracks, confused. One of the ECIS teachers and I giggled as we reminded the woman that he would take her literally. I had to reassure Shmoo that she was just joking :)

   

  

  

School's In

Okay, not so much us but mainstream schools kids are once again in classrooms here... which means we start getting busy again with the 'extra curricular' activities that only run during term.

 

Beanie's back at ECIS. And the canvas that Loo helped make last term is up on the classroom wall.

 

Swimming lessons again (as well as karate and performing arts).

And today, Beanie was so delighted (don't you just love a 2yo's joy?) when his penguin backpack arrived in the mail. His big brothers have their own bags and Beanie has been longing for one too so you can imagine his excitement when I presented him with a catalogue last week and asked him to choose a bag.