Kids in the Park - Burnie

Shmoo and The OH spent today helping out their karate school at the Kids in the Park event held at Burnie Park.

Lightweight

I knew Baby Bear was small but I've only just realised how small. At about the same age his brothers all weighed well over 1kg, up to 2kg, more than he does. At 6 weeks old they were all roly-poly chubby babies. My tiny little bundle on the other hand still comfortably fits into 0000 sized clothing. :(

Palindrome

Six

Happy birthday, Loo Bear! :)

Am lying here in bed listening to the wind and rain, snuggled up next to my sweet sleeping babe. He's such a lovely, easy-going baby. I've just finished reading the RCH's cardiac surgery info manual pdf for parents. Overwhelmed is an understatement.

Back to the RCH

On April 10 for another echo and ECG. Will be good to have confirmation of what's happening. We sent back all our pre-admission forms the other day. As terrified as I am of the surgery, I just want it over and done with. I want to go back to everyday life, without all the meds and supplements and doctors and hospitals and stressing about a tiny heart that's not working properly.

Stupid condescending patronising ass of a paediatrician! Grrr.

All the doctors we saw at the Royal Children's Hospital, they were all supportive. Not like this one.

Doing Well

The difference in Baby Bear is amazing. The meds have helped so much. He can feed without stopping to breathe heavily after every few sucks. His chest doesn't retract so much with each breath. His colour is so much healthier. He sleeps better. He doesn't cry as soon as he's in his car seat and if he does start to cry he doesn't sound like he's suffocating anymore, and his mouth doesn't get frothy.

It'll take a bit for us to settle into a new routine that incorporates the meds and the polyjoule. It's pretty time consuming and in my sleep deprived state I'm paranoid that I'm going to mix up his meds so I check each dose about a million times (that captopril is potent stuff apparently).

I am so grateful now that Baby Bear wasn't born early like his brothers. Being such a light weight baby, staying inside until 40 weeks gave him a better start. And I'm glad my milk came in so quickly this time, it gave him a chance to put on some weight before he started deteriorating because of the VSD.

The Waiting List

Baby Bear is officially on the waiting list for cardiac surgery.

Home

Just that. We're home. :D

Funny Little Coincidences

Baby Bear was born on Valentine's Day. February 14  happens to be international child heart disease awareness day.

Long before my babes are born, usually in early to mid pregnancy, I feel drawn to a particular song that I feel is theirs. Baby Bear's song is Burn Your Name by Powderfinger...

I want every single soul to know

That I love you for what you are 

So I sound the bells that praise your precious heart...

The Scary Thing Is...

Being here in the cardiac surgery ward and hearing the monitors going off a few rooms down, that urgent flashing red light alarm. Then the announcement over the speaker system telling the medical emergency team where to go. And suddenly all the staff are running. I learnt pretty quickly that it doesn't really matter if your child sets the monitors off, there's only a problem if all the nurses and doctors come running.

It's terrifying to think that in a couple of months that could be Baby Bear. He seems far too tiny to go through a surgery that big.

Beautiful Boy

My sweet boy. The nurses have fallen in love with his sticky-uppy hair, his gentle quietness and his big, dark, inquisitive and watchful eyes. 

Yep. 'Heart failure'. It's still confronting. Maybe, if we're lucky, he'll be one of the very few whose large VSDs close without open heart surgery. 

We're Going Home!

The doctors are happy with how Baby Bear is doing. His BP's not dropping too low after the captopril anymore, he's tolerating both the captopril and the frusemide well, he's gained 60g since yesterday and he started the polyjoule this morning.

So they've said we can fly home tomorrow! :D And I mean home, not even Burnie hospital!

We will have to come back to Melbourne in 3-4 weeks but all going well that should just be an outpatient appointment. And as for the surgery... we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

I wish I'd brought Baby Bear's massage oil with us. He loves being massaged. Would have been nice to make up for him having to be poked and prodded and pricked so much this week.

Finger Sucking

And no, he's not having an ET moment, the red glow is from his sats probe.  :)

I Hate...

... The machine that goes ping.

... When Baby Bear has just had a big feed and someone rocks up with a syringe full of meds. Guaranteed puking.

... When I've just gotten Baby Bear to sleep and someone decides to do obs.

Today's Update

Okay, so I think the docs have finally accepted that the original weigh they did might not have been accurate. They're happy that Baby Bear hasn't lost weight but would like to see him putting on a bit more before they send us home.

They're going to start him on a calorie supplement (polyjoule) 5ml by syringe mid-breastfeed, 6 times a day, so that he doesn't slip off the charts. Had the dietician come and talk about it all this afternoon.

They've also been getting me to practise drawing up his meds and have been going through the practical aspects of going home (info sheets on the meds, closest hospital, ambulance service times from home, getting regular weight checks, make sure we get him to the hospital/GP sooner rather than later if he gets sick, etc). I think getting out of here mid-week may have been a tad optimistic but it's reassuring that they're starting to get all the details worked out. And they will be sending us to our local hospital rather than one at the other end of the state which is good.

This hospital lactation consultant is hoping to get around this afternoon to observe a feed to make sure everything's going optimally there (which, having breastfed almost constantly for the past 7.5 years, I'm confident it is).

I'm also able to take Baby Bear for walks off the ward now so maybe at some point when he's not having his post-captopril monitoring and when we're not expecting various doctors and consultants, we'll be able to check out the shops downstairs.

Fingers crossed that the polyjoule helps Baby Bear put on a little more weight.

These Boobs Are Made For Feeding...

And that's just what they'll do.

It amazes me the number of people who pull the curtains to our hospital room closed when I'm breastfeeding. I never bother, it never even crossed my mind to until everyone else started doing it. I mean I'm sitting in a chair in the corner of our private room, not even 'out there' and I'm not topless or anything. And then if anyone needs to come into the room while I'm feeding they act all awkward and start apologising when they realise I'm breastfeeding.

Honestly, it's no big deal! They're boobs, they make milk, they feed babies. It's what they do. :)

There's Light at the End of the Tunnel

So the doctors did the rounds this morning and have increased the captopril again. They're happy with the improvement that Baby Bear is showing. The symptoms of heart failure have decreased markedly.

A little after the docs left the Paed came back to update me. Seeing as Baby Bear is doing so well on the meds they might let us out mid-week! \:D/ But they still have to decide whether to keep us elsewhere in Melbourne for a couple of days (I'm assuming somewhere like Ronald Mcdonald House) or if they should send us to a Tas hospital. I told her that I'm all for the Tassie option!

Oh yeah, and Baby Bear is off the monitor (mostly - except for 2 hours after the captopril)! I can pick him up, cuddle him, walk to settle him, all without getting tangled in cords and having to turn back around every 2 metres. :) 

Bath Time

Still as gorgeous as ever. And he knows it.

Loo Bear...

Go to the calendar and count how many more sleeps until your birthday. Not long to go!!

xx
Mama

To My Big Boys...

Look what we saw out the window this morning... hot air balloons!

Missing you very much.

xx
Mama

Irony

Having antibodies that increase the risk of babies developing heart block, a kind of congenital heart defect.

Having 3 babies with completely normal, healthy hearts.

Having a 4th baby with a completely different, unrelated congenital heart defect.

Exhausted

Today is hard.

It's the weight gain thing again. He's only gained 5g in 2 days. Not great but it doesn't surprise me given what his weight gain has been like the last 2 weeks. But they still think he lost some weight just after we got here and I really don't think he did. He's not gaining lots but he's not losing it either.

The doctors did the rounds this morning and since they've increased the captopril they've taken him off the spiro (which is good as he really didn't like it). They've also got us doing pre- and post-feed weighs which all of my instincts tell me won't be helpful. I know that it's not a supply issue. Having been tandem feeding I've got heaps of milk. He feeds fine, he gets a good amount of milk, all things considered, he's satisfied and not seeking more at the end of a feed. The only thing it's doing is to make me feel more anxious. Personally I think that Baby Bear's doing okay considering he's got a large VSD and a couple of other small holes. I feel like we're going to be stuck here forever.

And then it doesn't help when Baby Bear pukes up an entire feed all over himself, the cot and the floor. Particularly when we have a limited change of clothes and I'm hand washing stuff in the bathroom sink to try and ensure that he has clean clothes and wraps. 

My lovely midwife, Jenny, just called (must have picked up on the distress in my text messages) and was very reassuring and had some good tips (like expressing off a bit of the foremilk before a feed so that Baby Bear takes more of the richer, fattier hindmilk). She thinks it sounds like he's doing okay too as far as weight goes. I am so thankful that we have such a wonderful, caring person in our lives.

Holding it together is hard today. Jenny asked me how I was doing and I couldn't put it into words. If I try all I get is tears. I'm trying not to think about it all yet.

Today I am glad that I had the foresight to pack tissues.

Peaches

Sweet and round and fuzzy.

Lovely, squishable, kissable cheeks.

Meds Seem To Be Working

Baby Bear seems to be tolerating the meds okay (frusemide and spironolactone). They are increasing the dosage of the newest med (captopril). It has lowered his blood pressure and has eased the pressure a little on his lungs.

Hopefully it won't be long before we can go home.

I Hate Heel Pricks

And so does Baby Bear. But at least I was prepared for this mornings one. I managed to get a warm face washer on his heel before he got poked (a little trick our fantastic midwife showed us). The woman from pathology thought I was a bit odd as she felt his feet and said they weren't cold but :p she didn't have to keep squeezing and bruise Baby Bear like the woman did the other day so it does help. It wasn't anywhere near as traumatic for him (or me) this time.

I'm Gonna Be Famous!

Channel 7 thought I was such a cute baby that they just filmed me. Obviously it was only a matter of time before the media discovered me and my gorgeousness. Keep an eye out for me amongst the other RCH kids before and after the ad breaks during the Good Friday Appeal.

xx
B.

New Med

The doctors just did their rounds and they are going to start Baby Bear on a new med. In addition to the two diuretics he's currently on they're going to start giving him something to help take the pressure off his lungs.

One of the docs said that the cardiologists had a meeting about Baby Bear yesterday and they think it's possible that if they can get him through this early stage then the large VSD may get smaller on its own which would be good.

Still no news on when we'll be able to go home. I asked the doc and he said they first need to see that the meds are working, his breathing is stable and that he's gaining weight. The weight thing is annoying. He was weighed at home on Saturday, 3.09kg. He was weighed here yesterday and their scales said he'd gained over 200g which is impossible, he's just not gaining that kind of weight at the moment. Then this morning they weighed him on different scales and it said 3.1-something kg which sounds more like it except now they think he's lost 100g since yesterday. I'm sure those scales yesterday were wrong. But no one listens to the mama. 8-| I think we may be here for at least a couple more days yet. 

Looks like we'll definitely have to return to Melbourne in a few weeks. Doc was saying they'll next be in Launceston in May but that's too long for Baby Bear to wait.

In other news Baby Bear is charming all the nurses (and even random passers by) with his cuteness. :)

Babies Get Lollies Too!

I got to have some yummy sweet stuff, much better than the yucky medicine they give me. The downside is I can only have it when I have a blood test. I had to have a needle in my hand because the heel prick this morning didn't work but I didn't mind this time as the sugar water distracted me.

When can I have those jelly beans that my brothers like so much?

By the way, I am really sick of everyone waking me up. It seems like every time I fall asleep someone comes along to examine me. 

xx
B.

PPS...

I have stickers which I will share with you when I get home.

From,
B.

PS...

A nice woman just came by and gave me a special teddy bear, just for kids with heart problems. I like it much more than having a blood test.

From,
B.

Hello Daddy and Big Brothers

I miss you lots and can't wait to come home and cuddle you.

The hospital is noisy and lots of nurses and doctors keep coming to look at me. They put stickers on me just like you do to me at home sometimes except these stickers have cords attached. It's hard for a baby to sleep here. I had to have a blood test and it made me cry lots which made mama cry too.

There is a big window in my room and I can see the trams going past. There's also a picture of birdies in my room. But they say they are going to move me to another room soon so I'll let you know what that one's like.

Love from,
B.

At the Royal Children's Hospital

Wishing my big boys were here to see the cute meerkats and the aquarium. And to see the view from Baby Bear's big window with the trams going past.

Wishing Baby Bear didn't have to be here, tied to the monitors, his resp rate continually setting off the alarms. Hate seeing him cry and gag on the meds. Dreading the long night it's going to be, not being able to cosleep.

Ventricular Septal Defect

Thank you everyone for the emails and comments of support. It's much appreciated and I don't feel quite so alone.

Baby Bear has been diagnosed with a VSD. He has a pinprick hole at the top of his heart which will likely close over by itself in time and another small hole at the bottom which they will keep an eye on. The main problem is the large VSD in the middle which is causing too much blood to go to his lungs and it's the reason he's struggling with his breathing.

They are admitting him for a few days to start him on meds. We'll then probably have to return to Melbourne for a check in a few weeks before coming back for surgery at 3 months of age or sooner if he keeps deteriorating.

It was very confronting to hear the cardiologists discussing my not quite 3 week old baby as being in early cardiac failure.

Broken Hearted

I've spent the last 30 hours trying to hold it together, trying not collapse in a puddly sobbing mess. It's been a whirlwind couple of days. We've gone from Baby Bear's heart murmur being probably nothing to the cardiologist making concerned noises over his echocardiogram yesterday. It turns out he does actually have a congenital heart defect. And now Baby Bear and I are flying out to the Royal Children's Hospital in Melbourne tomorrow. We have an outpatient appointment in the afternoon but have been told to be prepared to stay as he may need immediate surgery. Apparently it's serious enough that the cardiologist told the hospital that if they couldn't get us an appointment this week then they should just consider admitting Baby Bear.

I'm all over the place. Trying not to let the mama guilt get to me just yet (was it me again? My antibodies that caused this?). Mostly I'm just trying to get through the next few days. And I'm trying to pack a minimal amount whilst not knowing if we'll be gone for a day or a week. I've stuffed disposable nappies into every spare nook and cranny of our bag. Incidentally, with Baby Bear wearing them this evening, I've discovered that there's not much to hold on to with a newborn in disposables! I think I prefer a nice substantial cloth covered bum.

*Sigh* The thought of my tiny newborn having heart surgery is unbearable. Beanie asked me this afternoon if his baby brother had a broken heart and if the doctors in Melbourne would throw it away and give him a new one.

Baby Bear's Homebirth - The Full Story

We went into this pregnancy knowing that it would be our last babe. We'd already been blessed with 3 amazing boys and I loved pregnancy, birthing and babies but having a small house, the trauma of recurrent miscarriages, and an increased risk of having babies with genetic problems, congenital heart defects and autism spectrum disorders meant knowing our limits.

Once again I was lucky to have an uneventful pregnancy aside from the standard morning sickness and the anxiety that accompanies being pregnant after 7 miscarriages. According to my dates I was due on 14 February 2013 (and after 10 years of tracking my cycles I was confident of that), while the OBGYN went with an EDD of 16 February. At around 16 weeks I had an amniocentesis done and the results showed that we had a healthy baby on board. We were also thrilled when the results confirmed that we would be having a 4th boy.

After having experienced a fairly standard intervention-heavy hospital birth, an unplanned as well as a planned homebirth (both unintentionally unassisted) and having speedy labours, there was never any doubt that we'd plan for anything but another homebirth. Our wonderful midwife, Jenny, provided the antenatal care again and we hoped that, for our last babe, there would be enough time for her to make it to birth this time around.

I didn't get around to doing as much birth prep as I had done in my previous pregnancies. I briefly revised the Pink Kit methods but didn't start the internal work until about 36 weeks and even then didn't do it regularly. However, through the little internal work that I did do, I felt that I was still very in tune with my body and aware of my muscles and how to soften and open up. My body felt very responsive. This was the first pregnancy in which I felt in tune enough with both my body and the baby that I could easily tell how the baby was lying.

In the last few weeks of pregnancy I drank raspberry leaf tea, took 5W capsules, used EPO, took Jenny's cohosh drops, and regularly massaged my perineum with jojoba oil (concentrating on the scar tissue of my previous tears – maybe it worked as I had no tearing at all this time). Towards the end I also started stimulating labour-encouraging acupressure points, using clary sage oil, and visualised my cervix opening and the baby descending.

From about 38 weeks I could feel my body changing and gearing up for birth. I was nauseous and crampy, restless and nesting, the baby dropped lower into my pelvis, his movements slowed down and a lot of the Braxton Hicks contractions that I experienced felt different – I could feel them affecting my cervix, I could feel the stretching, opening, pulling and pressure.

Having never made it to 40 weeks with any of my pregnancies, we were prepared for labour from 37 weeks onward. I thought that I'd probably go early and fast again but kept in mind that all pregnancies are different and that I could very well end up with a 6 hour labour at 42 weeks. From 38 weeks I was reluctant to go too far from home but as the days went by we really started to think that he might go post-dates after all.

We got to 39 weeks with lots of little signs that labour was imminent but I was thankful he wasn't born then as I wasn't keen on him having to share a birthday with Beanie (who had also been due on 14 February three years earlier but had been born on the 7th). The OH guessed that labour would start on the Tuesday at 39+5 while I guessed that bub would stick it out until 40 weeks (by my dates) and he wouldn't be born until the Thursday. I was still very much loving being pregnant and treasured the wriggles, kicks and hiccups, however I think we were all starting to feel the effects of being stuck at home for so long... but I just wasn't willing to risk ending up with a roadside or aisle-5-in-Woolies birth!

On the Wednesday morning, 39+6, Beanie announced that the baby would be coming that day and that he would be catching the baby with his toy ice cream scoop. I managed to get a great photo of him, scoop at the ready. I sent Jenny the photo and let her know that I'd been feeling crampy with low pressure all morning and that I'd let her know if it turned into anything (but that I really thought the baby was determined to get to 40 weeks!). She reminded me to let her know at the very first twinge.

I felt irritable and on-edge all day. I snapped at the kids, trying to get them to keep the floor relatively clear of toys in case I went into labour; I snapped at The OH when he kept talking and asking me questions during Braxton Hicks contractions. The BH contractions were all very intense and I had to pause and concentrate on breathing and swaying to get through them. They were very short and irregular though, and they lacked that extra something so although I suspected my body was working up towards labour, I knew that I wasn't quite there yet. It was a little bit confusing because my first labour had been induced and with the next 2 I'd woken up right in the middle of active labour so I'd never had to do all this guesswork before.

While I pottered around the house, The OH and the kids took apart a broken battery-operated car that The OH had found at an op shop. It kept the kids occupied for quite a while and Shmoo had fun attaching the wires to a battery and making a propeller out of a strip of paper and Blu Tack. For some weeks I'd also been meaning to give The OH and Loo a haircut so I got the clippers out and we got that done in the afternoon.

The OH assisted with the veggie chopping and grating and I made a big batch of mince and vegetable filled pastry triangles for dinner; then I got several loads of washing organised while the kids put their toys away and got ready for their bath. At 7:15 pm I sent Jenny a message letting her know how things were going and told her that I was starting to get a bit of bottom pressure as well but things were still irregular and I would get the kids bathed and in bed and then see if things progressed. Jenny had just finished work and called me back, suggesting having a bath after the kids were in bed to see if that made any difference one way or the other.

After the kids had their bath I realised how messy Shmoo and Beanie's long hair was so I brushed it and put it into plaits for them. It was uncomfortable and took a while because I kept having to stop and get up on my knees during a contraction, rocking and swaying with handfuls of half-plaited hair. We finally got the kids off to bed but I waited a bit for the hot water to heat up again before having a bath. Just after 9:30 pm Jenny sent me a message asking how I was and said to let her know how I was feeling after the bath and she'd decide what she would do then.

At about 9:45 pm, right before hopping in the bath, I went to the toilet and noticed a small amount of bloody mucus in my undies and on the toilet paper. A sign that things were progressing. It felt lovely being in a nice warm bath and suddenly I understood the appeal of a waterbirth. The weightless warmth felt good and the contractions were less intense (or maybe they just felt easier to handle). With just a standard sized bath though I couldn't be as upright as I wanted, and lying down or being on all fours in the water didn't feel right so I soon got out of the bath.

At 10:15 pm I sent Jenny an update. She called back a few minutes later and said she was on the road and asked what I wanted her to do. Living about an hour away and knowing how quickly I tend to progress she said that she could come straight over to our place or head over to her back-up midwife's place so that they would only be 20 minutes away when we needed them. By that stage I had a feeling we'd be having a baby sometime overnight but I didn't feel that the birth was imminent so I suggested she go to Naomi's and I'd call her as soon as I felt like anything had changed. I was starting to feel the contractions in my hips and down my legs and was experiencing quite a bit of bottom and pelvic pressure. I hadn't timed any contractions yet but they still felt irregular and some of them still felt 20-30 minutes apart (The OH later mentioned that he'd been surprised when I'd told Jenny that because, not being lost in the contractions like I was, he knew they weren't quite so irregular or far apart!).

The OH had been transferring some movies across from hard drive onto DVD so I lay on our futon (the 'family-sized-bed' as Shmoo had dubbed it when Beanie had been born), and watched those. I paused every now and then to roll off so that I could stand or kneel during a contraction, focussing on breathing and the pictures and words on my birth wall. I started timing the contractions using an app on my mobile just after 10:30 pm and was very surprised to see that they were coming every 6.5 minutes or so and lasting for 40-50 seconds. After lying down for a while they eased off to 8.5-9.5 minutes apart and they were quite manageable. The OH and I slowly started getting bits and pieces out of our Birth Box and started getting set up for the birth but, again, I didn't feel like birth was imminent so we weren't in any hurry.

Around 11:35 pm I noticed that the contractions were starting to feel a bit more intense and that, despite mostly lying down, they had started getting closer together again... 6.5 minutes, 4.5 minutes. I knew I was definitely in established labour now and was slightly surprised at how quickly it felt like things were progressing. Just before a contraction hit I called out to The OH and asked him to get the dropsheets out of the Birth Box. To my irritation, I heard him drop them on the table next to me before heading back out to the kitchen to make himself a coffee. I'd wanted him to spread them out on the floor! I really should know by now that I need to be more specific when communicating with an Aspie!

I decided that we'd better call Jenny ASAP so that she could make her way over but, at 11:47 pm, as I knelt on the floor beside the futon, another contraction hit and I was startled mid-way through when I felt a warm gush and fluid soaked through my undies and down my pyjama pants. I called out to The OH for help, asking him to get me a towel (and then I asked him to put the dropsheets on the floor). I cautiously sniffed my pyjama pants and undies and I was delighted to immediately recognise the distinctive smell of amniotic fluid. In previous labours I'd never had the membranes rupture naturally prior to the birth of the baby's head. A couple of contractions later I examined the towel I held between my legs and was pleased to see that apart from a tiny amount of blood, the amniotic fluid was clear. After The OH had put the dropsheets down it was probably about 11:55 pm and I asked him to call Jenny for me.

The contractions were rapidly getting more intense and closer together... 3.5 minutes, 2.5 minutes, just over 1 minute apart (and then I gave up on timing them). I'd been focussing intently on my breathing and opening up for the baby, vaguely aware of the tribal drumming music in the background. Sometime around 12:00 am I knew that I'd reached transition because I had an intense need for The OH to hold and support me during contractions – exactly the same as with my other labours.

Somehow I was able to completely let go and surrender myself to the contractions while a distant part of my brain encouraged me to keep going and kept tabs on my breathing and positioning. I was very aware of how I was breathing and kept my 'aaahh' sounds open and relaxed during contractions but it was very much an instinctual thing and I didn't have to consciously think about it. During contractions I also instinctively started hanging off The OH and lowering myself into a position that allowed my pelvis to open up more. I was distantly aware of feeling the baby moving down.

Around 12:15 am I started recognising the pushy noises I was making, that slight catch in my throat as I had a contraction and the strong pressure I was starting to feel. As my body took over, I dropped down to a hands-and-knees position, leaning over the front of the futon, hearing myself let out a full-on pushy grunt. I gave The OH a series of short instructions – unlock door, take photos, wipes (so he could check and wipe for me between contractions) etc. I kept looking up at the tower of pillows that I'd piled on the table next to me to support me during contractions and wished that I had some on the futon to help keep me more upright but the contractions were coming so fast that I couldn't move between them and I struggled to get my thoughts straight enough verbalise any needs.

I could feel the baby moving down quickly and with one contraction I could feel that incredible stretch start and I thought his head would be born but it moved back up again slightly. I was starting to think that Jenny would miss this birth too because I knew that things would happen very quickly from that point. It was then that I also realised that The OH would need to go and wake the kids up straight away if they were to have any hope of seeing a baby being born. I could hear him talking to them and waking them up and I wanted to tell him to just pick them up and haul them into the lounge room but that was too many words for me so I just said something like 'hurry up'. In the end only Shmoo woke up enough and he came out and sat on the lounge and, with wide-eyed wonder, got to witness the birth of his baby brother. Loo fell back asleep and Beanie never woke at all so they missed it entirely.

The OH came back out and positioned himself, ready to catch. I was careful to push gently and slowly, still being mindful of my breathing and, just as the baby's head was being born, Jenny and Naomi came rushing through the curtains that separate our lounge room from the kitchen. I was suddenly aware of Jenny's gentle, soothing hands on my back and her soft, encouraging words. I heard Naomi taking photos for us in the background.

It was that time between the head and body being born, that time that seems to go on forever. My senses were heightened and I was aware of my breathing, blowing out gentle breaths; feeling the uncomfortable stretching fullness of the baby's body down below, briefly wishing it was over already but then embracing it, surrendering to it, knowing that all too soon he would be born. Time stretched on and I listened to Jenny's words, felt the wave of that last contraction start and then the overwhelming sensation of release and relief as his body was born.

He was born at 12:27 am on Valentine's Day, 40 weeks exactly by my dates, and he cried straight away. I smiled and laughed and was filled with joy as I realised that our 4th little boy was finally here with us. Baby Bear. The OH handed Baby Bear to Jenny who passed him up between my legs to me. He was slippery, wet, covered with vernix and smelled wonderfully of amniotic fluid. I cuddled him next to me and he soon stopped crying (and did a wee all over me instead!).

Shmoo woke Loo up and they both had a good look at their new baby brother. The OH woke up Beanie and he stayed awake just long enough to peer sleepily at Baby Bear, dozing off while having his photo taken with us before going back to bed.

The umbilical cord continued to pulse for a very long time and Shmoo and Loo were fascinated both with it and the vernix that was all over Baby Bear. Just under an hour after Baby Bear arrived, the placenta came away. Interestingly, the contractions that accompanied it weren't painful this time, I only had a feeling of uncomfortable heaviness. The boys watched as Jenny examined the placenta, showing them the membranes and the maternal and foetal sides and the cord. The membranes were a bit ragged but, with a little gentle assistance from Jenny, the rest came away easily an hour or so later.

After a good feed and lots of cuddles with his 2 eldest brothers (who then went back to bed), Baby Bear was weighed and measured. He was a bit smaller than any of us had expected, the smallest of all of my babes, weighing in at 6lb 6.5oz (2910g). His head circumference was 34 cm and length was 49 cm.

With everyone settled and doing well, Jenny and Naomi packed up and headed home at around 3 am. Baby Bear snoozed, recovering from his eventful night, while The OH and I let our friends and family know that our 4th little miracle had arrived.