Scott Ludlam's Speech to Tony Abbott

"...For anyone listening in from outside this almost empty Senate chamber, the truth is that Prime Minister Tony Abbott and this benighted attempt at a government are a temporary phenomenon. They will pass, and we need to keep our eyes on the bigger picture. 

Just as the reign of the dinosaurs was cut short to their great surprise, it may be that the Abbott government will appear as nothing more than a thin, greasy layer in the core sample of future political scientists drilling back into the early years of the 21st century...

Prime Minister, you are welcome to take your heartless racist exploitation of people's fears and ram it as far from Western Australia as your taxpayer funded travel entitlements can take you..."

=D>  Well said, Senator Ludlam.

Scott Morrison's Operation Sovereign Murders

That's quite some Freudian slip.

The Bad Government

Over lunch one day The OH and I were discussing Tony Abbott and detention centres. Shmoo and Loo wanted to know what we were talking about. We explained it to them and they were perplexed, they couldn't understand why anyone would want to treat other human beings like that. And Loo's comment...

"Everybody has to fight the bad government!"

The Joy of Giving

Shmoo's old enough now to know how fortunate we are; we don't have much but we have so much more than many other people. With Christmas fast approaching, we have been discussing how some people will go without; how some people won't get presents; how some parents might not have enough money to buy their children gifts for Christmas; how some people may be lonely/sad/hungry at a special time of year that should be about love/joy/family.

Whilst next year we will be reconsidering the organisation that we go through (we would prefer a non-religious group), this year we continued our tradition of giving to the Kmart/Salvation Army Wishing Tree Appeal. As usual we just give a couple of gift cards and don't specify age or gender on the tag so that it can be given to whoever needs it most. This year Shmoo contributed $5 of his own savings. He did it joyfully with absolutely no hesitation; glad to be able to do something, give something, that might make someone else happy. I am so proud of him. I can tell that he gets it.

One of our projects for next year will be for the kids to make some small crafty items throughout the year, I'm thinking maybe some mini Waldorf-style kite paper window stars. They are colourful, cheery, simple and cheap to make. With a little practice the older two should easily be able to make them themselves. And then next Christmas we can give them away. We'll see what organisations we come across throughout the year and were thinking there are also people in aged care homes or people who are in hospital over Christmas.

Ditto's Keep Safe Adventure

This afternoon we all sat down and watched Ditto's Keep Safe Adventure Show, a DVD (starring Ditto the lion cub and Fairysafe) that aims to teach kids personal safety skills. It's also Australian - so nice to have the Aussie accents!

I was a little put off at first by the over-the-top, slightly condescending way in which Fairysafe spoke to the audience but I'm aware that lots of kids' TV/DVD shows use this tone and most people probably wouldn't be aware or bothered by it. Certainly it didn't have any trouble holding the attention of my 3 boys!

The DVD covers a number of topics and uses catchy tunes to help teach kids about 'yes feelings' and 'no feelings' and how those feelings might physically make them feel; good and bad secrets; private parts; saying 'no'; and telling someone that they can trust, amongst other subjects. Personally I generally don't use the term 'secret' when talking to my kids, preferring the term 'surprise' (ie. "I got Daddy a Bazinga hoodie for Christmas but don't tell him, it's a surprise" ;) ). There's nothing too specific either when discussing private parts, leaving any specific terminology up to the parents (private parts are defined as mouth, chest, between the legs and bottom).

I wasn't overly keen on the blanket statements regarding the people that children can trust (teacher, policeman etc) but given that pretty much everything comes with 'as long as you feel safe' I didn't feel it was such a big deal. And as with anything on this subject matter, the DVD shouldn't be treated as a stand-alone, teaches your kids everything they need to know thing. Parental involvement is so important! I was quite happy with it as a tool to facilitate discussion with the kids.

After we watched the DVD we went through the activity book and I gave the boys their mini Dittos (which they instantly fell in love with). We did skip a few pages in the activity book but the boys enjoyed what we did do and then they went back through it of their own accord later and did some of the colouring in and other activities (or scribbled as in Beanie's case). It was quite evident that they had actually absorbed a fair amount of useful information from the DVD that they were able to apply and discuss as we went through the book. Loo then requested to watch the DVD again so we had a repeat screening. :)

I'd say that Shmoo got the most out of both the DVD and activity book. Loo probably got more out of the DVD but still did enjoy the book. I'd recommend it for kids aged about 4 or 5 through to about 10. We also have the CD of songs used in the DVD but we haven't listened to it yet, probably will in the car tomorrow!

There's a bit more info about Ditto here; and the DVD, activity book and other resources are available to purchase from here.

Hobart man charged with rape of two-year old

I cannot even begin to put into to words how this story makes me feel. It hits far too close to home. If he is guilty then I can only hope he gets what he deserves.

Please consider supporting organisations like Bravehearts and ASCA - they really do some wonderful work.

Pregnancy, Miscarriage and Moving On

Excuse the hastily self-taken, crappy quality photo...

I've been feeling very guilty that I've not done any belly pics so far this pregnancy. The reason... well, there's still some part of me that has finds it difficult to accept that (a) this pregnancy is still happening; and (b) that this is very likely my last pregnancy. I have that 'I'm done' feeling. I'm okay with it, I cannot keep enduring the physical and emotional effects of recurrent miscarriage, the uncertainty that is the balanced translocation genetic lottery, the possibility of stillbirth or neonatal death. And I've become aware of my limits when it comes to having the strength and patience to be both a partner to someone with an ASD and a decent mother to ASD kids. But still, facing the end of this phase of my life is difficult and confronting. TTC/pregnancy/babies has been the main focus of my life for just under 10 years now. At 31 years old, that's a huge portion of my life.

I cried yesterday reading the paper. Coming up to Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, there was a 2-page story about the grief that parents experiencing miscarriage go through; how difficult it is when there is so little acknowledgement of the babies that are lost. Apparently there is a local woodworking guild that makes little coffins that they donate to the NWPH and Mersey so that parents have something they can take their miscarried babies home in for burial. There was mention of parents in the last couple of years having to take their little lost babes home in things like biscuit tins; and of midwives and nurses going out to buy boxes from Chickenfeed. Stories of parents being told that they could take the baby home to bury or they could leave it at the hospital to be disposed of with the rubbish.

So sad. And yet, I read it and felt a huge wave of relief that parents are now given the choice. Back in 2004 I wasn't given that choice. I asked to keep the 'products of conception' to take home for burial. It was something I needed to do; something I didn't get to do with our first loss but I knew it would help me to process the 2nd miscarriage and my grief. I was patronised and lied to. I put in a complaint but it was too late, despite my explicit request our baby had been classified as medical waste and had been disposed of along with used bandages and the like. I kicked up a fuss, I wrote letters, I approached MPs. I eventually received an apology and assurances of changes in hospital policies. The memory of it is still traumatic, I still feel bitter about it, and it's difficult for me to walk through certain parts of the hospital. I still refuse to have a straightforward miscarriage (or birth for that matter ;) ) in a hospital but it was good to read that other parents are now given the choice that I wasn't.

And so here we are, with #4 hopefully arriving safe and healthy in another 4 months or so. I am so grateful, so blessed. I know how lucky I am. I feel bad though because I know there are women with fertility problems, who aren't aware of my history, who look with envy at me and my baby belly and 3 young kids. I know, all to well, the irrational stab of pain and sadness that it causes.

Maybe this part of my life is coming to an end but I will always carry it with me, close to my heart, both the joy and the sorrow. And I look forward to watching my four beautiful boys grow and blossom over the coming years. :)

TWLOHA

R U OK?Day - Thursday, 13 Sep 2012

White Balloon Day

White Balloon Day was on Friday. I meant to post about it last week before the actual event but between the amniocentesis, coming down with a nasty cold/sinus thing, not being able to get Blogger to work for a few days and some wild weather that seemed to play havoc with our internet connection, I didn't get around to typing up a post.

Having missed the actual day, I then thought that I wouldn't bother posting. Leave it 'til next year maybe. Except that today I finally got some time to sit down and read the newspaper and came across the horrifying story about the Victorian teen who endured her stepfather's violent sexual abuse for years. It only ended when she managed to get her stepfather's shotgun and shoot him. And the terrible thing about it (aside from the poor girl initially being charged with murder!) is that the girl's mother, friends, family and teachers had suspicions of abuse occurring but nothing was ever actually reported to the appropriate authorities.

Sadly, stories like this aren't unusual. Stories like this and this are reported in the media all the time and the stories that make it into the news only represent a tiny, tiny proportion of what's actually happening out there in the real world. The perpetrators of child sexual abuse who are caught are so often given a measly 'slap on the wrist' punishment. It's a sickening fact that most perpetrators aren't caught, they get away with it because of the overwhelming, lifelong sense of shame, fear and doubt that they instill in their victims.

So yeah, White Balloon Day has come and gone again and I missed it. But it's just a day. Unfortunately, for so many people out there it's not just a day, it's something that they will carry with them every day for the rest of their lives. The psychological and emotional scars go deep and have the ability to infect every facet of someone's life. If they are lucky they will find the love and support they need to help them overcome, to become survivors rather than victims.

Yes, this is an issue that I am passionate about; yes, it's an issue close to my heart. The neglect I experienced as a very young child left me vulnerable to being raped. From a young age I struggled on and off with depression, self-harm, bulimia, self-esteem issues, derealisation and depersonalisation among other things. In my teens I would deliberately and stupidly put myself in dangerous situations in an attempt to prove to myself that I was no longer that vulnerable, weak child.

I know all too well what it's like and I don't want my children to ever have to deal with those issues. I'm in my thirties now and it's only been in the last year or two that I've been able to properly deal with the multiple forms of abuse I experienced as a child. One of the most healing things for me was finding someone (a psychologist in my case) to whom I could tell my story to in its entirety; to have her believe me without question; to look up at her face after speaking and see compassion rather than disbelief, tears in her eyes rather than a look of disgust. After having so many people in my early childhood make me doubt not just myself but others too, it made a huge difference.

Talk to your children, protect your children, communicate with them, believe them. Give them the tools they will need should they ever find themselves in situations like these. It is possible to give them courage, safety and strength without making them fearful. And don't forget that most of the time it's not the stranger danger, most perpetrators are already known to the family/child. You might think that it's just not the kind of thing that happens in your circles; that it only happens 'out there'. Not true. Never underestimate a perpetrator's ability to look completely normal and utterly harmless. In the real world the monsters look the same as everyone else.

Farewell, Trusty Old Vacuum

After nearly 7 years of much (ab)use, our beloved Dyson DC08T vacuum cleaner passed away peacefully last week.

3 kids + 2 cats + no vacuum = big mess. A new vacuum cleaner became our top priority. Thank goodness we were saving my tax return from last year. A decent vacuum isn't cheap and, with a Dyson obsessed 6.5 year old, we couldn't very well consider any other brand!

So Shmoo is currently in vacuum heaven. Not only did he inherit his very own Dyson to play with, but today we also got to go shopping for a brand new Dyson. We already knew which one we wanted (the DC39 Allergy) but Shmoo was very excited to have a look at the display and pick up some new catalogues. The sales assistant was also a bit of a Dyson enthusiast so  Shmoo  enjoyed asking her questions. She was quite taken with  Shmoo and his passion for Dysons and at one point laughed and said "Look at him, he's like a little professor!". The OH and I just looked at each other and smiled. It's very common for children with Asperger's Syndrome to be called 'little professors*'.

Can't wait to see how the new vacuum performs. It looks quite different to our old one. The technology has come a long way in 7 years!

Now off to investigate the James Dyson Foundation.


*The link is to an article that is, in my opinion, the best description of an Aspie child. Definitely worth a read if  you are interested in ASDs or if you have a little Aspie in your life that you would like to better understand.